Things I wanted to be when I grew up (chronological order):

Elementary school teacher.
Veterinarian.
Comic book artist.
Science fiction author.
Junior high teacher.
Famous opera singer.
Geneticist.
Children's book author.
Famous rock/pop singer.
Comic book writer.
Fashion designer.
Music store owner.
Book editor.
Sound engineer and music producer.
Film actress.
Film producer.
Photographer.
Travel writer.
Magazine writer.
Music store and boutique owner.
Modern dancer.
Belly dancer.
Book store owner.
Hair stylist.
Professor and author on human sexuality.
Music store owner.
Graphic designer.
Layout and print.
College professor.
Professional musician, bass.
Jewelry designer.
Professional artist, printer.
Music store owner.
Mother.


That about sums it up.

The inaugural craft day was a blast! If you didn't make it, don't worry, there'll be more soon.

And as a bonus, here's a video that Becca shared.

Be prepared to be shredded by rock.




Awwwwww yeah, that's White Gold baby. And while they are brought to you by the Milk Board... I just don't care.

Spring is finally here, I think it's official. Woo!

Things have been busy lately, I've been working on disability stuff, which is slow going and rather tedious, but moving along. I had been feeling a lot better for a couple of weeks, and then boom, all swollen again. Bother.

I'll tell you though, this nicer weather has gotten me ten kinds of motivated. I've been slowly digging out all the grass that had encroached into the front flower beds in preparation for planting some new flowers. I want to find some nice native plants, but also some non-native things like poppies, cosmos and lavender. I also re-potted all of my inside plants, which all seem a tad perkier since I did it.

I've been doing more cross stitch and teaching myself some embroidery. This has been a blast and a have a project list a mile long, I just need the skills to pay the bills. And on a happy note, I got my sewing machine back from my mom. It's a long story, but suffice it to say, that machine was mine! :) So the next step is to make sure it still works and then get out the test fabric and see if I can stitch in a straight line anymore. Everyone better expect hand made gifts this year.

I have been doing craft days with the SILLY group (Sister-in-law...y, kind of). On our first day;Kris and Brittany, Kristal and Sarah, and my mom and I got together and worked on projects and had a fabulous lunch. Then we had another gathering a couple of weeks ago where Laurie also came and we had the rest of the family show up later. We had a big family meeting where my family all pitched in ideas and help for me, which was above and beyond generous.

This coming Saturday is the first friend and family craft day at my house. I haven't gotten too many responses back yet (AHEM) as to who is coming, but I hope we have a full house. We're going to be also working on getting a gift bag put together for Becca's recovery from her heart surgery. She may be feeling up to joining us, and I hope she does! That girl is stronger than just about anyone I know.

Anyways, good things seem to keep coming my way lately and I've felt incredibly lucky. I just hope I can keep up the motivation and translate it into more improvements in my health. Werd.

Oh me oh my, how I love crafting. I love having the time (for the first time in my life) to really complete projects. I've been doing cross stitch, because for some unknown and unexplainable reason it is easier for me to hold a tiny little needle than a crochet hook or knitting needle. So my yarn skills are suffering, but man am I in love with stitching! I want to move on to embroidery, especially once I found http://www.sublimestitching.com/ These little kits are so adorable! When I get a form of income again, I'm going to buy a bunch of supplies and start making things for peoples. I want to make all sorts of randomness. Oh the ideas are just bubbling away in my head!

Bonus!

I found the entire second season of the IT crowd on Youtube. Whoooo hoo!

what am I so afraid of?

Losing my independence
losing my home
losing the capacity to function
never getting a chance to live life
being stressed out about being sick all the time
never finding peace again
being alone and never being with someone
not being able to have a child because of my illness
having to rely on my family
not being able to rely on my family

what do I need to do to help myself?

attempt to figure out disability, how to get on it
find some peace in every day life
stop being paralyzed by my indecision
work on art or other things that make me happy
stop being so petulant
be more proactive about my health
take control.

Ah yes, the amazing disappearing Mindy. I've not been so blog oriented lately. I'm trying to find a job and feeling slightly pigeonholed by my past 5 1/2 years at my current job. I feel like I would have been better served by working in a field that would line me up for a future career. It seems like I'm shooting off in a million different directions and can't hone in on one specific route. I talk and talk, but can't seem to discover any viable solutions.

Do I:
Open my own boutique, online or physical.
Attempt to sell my art online.
Focus all my attention on school.
Transcription from home.
Go back to retail...?

I'm very torn and feel like I wasted my best years at a job that has left me frazzled and unfulfilled.

Oh and P.S. I turn 29 tomorrow.

I know I haven't been around for a long time. I moved recently, to a fantastic new house (I promise to post pictures as soon as I finish unpacking) and it took me a while to get my net reconnected. But in the meantime, I've had some struggles.

I know that most of you reading this are going to know that I've been having some health issues, and I just kind of wanted to address this up front, because this is going to have to become a major focus of my life so I can try to get well again.

I've suffered from arthritis my whole life, winters have always been painful for me, but it's always been manageable. About 5 years ago I had a bout that was so severe I had to go to the ER, but I was better in a couple of days. Well this winter I've been in a state of constant flaring for nearly three months now. To explain how I've felt to be under this much pain is difficult. Imagine having the worst cold, or a flu for about three months. That constant aching, that constant brain muddle, the sense of just not being quite right, and being tired all the time. This is what I've been struggling with. The problem has been, my inflammation was out of control. I couldn't move my arms, my hands were locked in, and my feet were so swollen I could barely wear shoes. It was finally necessary to get into a rheumatologist. I went in and have been receiving a barrage of tests. Deep medical history, 15 vials of blood taken at once, x-rays, intense muscle stress tests, it has been a draining and scary process. Lots of potential disorders were bandied around, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogrens, SLE, Raynauds. All autoimmune disorders, and all very likely since autoimmune disorders run in my family. My mother, sister and I all have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is a genetic thyroid disorder. So we all have hypothyroidism, which is part of my severe weight gain over the past 6 years. (Thyroid controls your metabolism, your energy levels, and is essential in mood stabilization through B-vitamin absorption, without it you become lethargic, start gaining weight, lose your hair, and generally develop depression.) My sister also suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and Sjogrens. Sjogrens causes every moisture creating part of your body to stop functioning properly. She is incapable of crying at this point. She has to use eyedrops all day. It damages your eyes and sinuses. My brother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis several years ago, and he has the disease pretty well under control, but he still flares periodically, and that is scary as hell to witness.

Finally all the tests were done and I came back into the office to get a really crappy answer, I have two conditions working in tandem right now. Antiphospholipid syndrome is basically a disease that cause hypercoagulation. It opens me up to the risk of blood clots, strokes, heart attacks, edema, etc; and actually explains the reason why I've had two miscarriages, if I ever get pregnant, I might be a high risk pregnancy. But luckily, it seems very mild in my case, and I just take a baby aspirin every night. The other condition isn't as clear cut. Undifferentiated connective tissue disease. And as the name suggests, it's a very nebulous diagnosis. It's little like a timebomb. It can develop into any of the disease I mentioned previously, although in my case, my body has more lupus like symptoms. Or it could become mixed connective tissue disease, which would be several disorders working together. Like possibly lupus AND sjogrens. Or, the third case scenario is that it won't progress. That we caught it somewhat early in the midst of a massive flare, and we may be able to manage it.

I had to start taking meds for it, and all the meds that are used for autoimmune disorders are nasty beasts. They have varying degrees of severity when it comes to side effects, and also varying degrees in cost. One of my sisters meds that she gets once a month costs her $450 out of pocket.

They started me on the most common jumping off drug, Plaquenil. Plaquenil is primarily used as an anti-malarial, but it has disease modification factors that inhibits your immune system from attacking your joints, tissue, muscles, organ, or nervous system. It is generally well tolerated and can be used for several years without worry of toxicity. I started it and was getting ill within two doses. I had severe stomach cramps, I had to be near a bathroom at all times, I was waking up several times a night to dry heave in the bathroom. It was debilitating. I was on that for a month and a half, and I lost 20 lbs, I also was so exhausted and still in so much pain that I ended up in the ER again. Finally the doctor decided that I wasn't tolerating, it wasn't getting easier on me, so I was taken off that.

I had a two week gap where the doctor conferred with other rheumatologists about the next plan of action and I could detox from the plaquenil. The idea of prednisone was bandied about, but it is a steroid and as such will make you gain weight and can put strain on your heart. I decided to stick with the pain for the time being.

I was then given my next med to start, methotrexate. Methotrexate still kind of scares me. I'm now officially on chemotherapy medications. They are toxic on your body and I have to get my blood tested every two weeks. Being as it a chemo med, I'm also losing more hair than I already was, I joke that I'm going to have to start wearing crazy wigs to cover up soon enough. I'm taking prescription strength folic acid for my hair, but it still falls out like crazy.

The truth is though, I'm really fucking scared.

These meds are a little easier for me to tolerate, I take 6 pills all at once, one time a week. For the next 12 hours I'm supposed to stay home in case there are side effects, which can strike at any time. For my combination of conditions and meds, there is a serious fear of pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot on my lung. And I in fact spent 6 hours in the hospital two weeks ago getting checked for the possibility of one. I got a CT scan which is now my least favorite medical procedure and tons of blood work, ekg, x-rays. Luckily I came back clean, with just a painful tear in the chest wall around my heart. Muscle tears are possible with UCTD if you're flaring, because everything is strained.

So now, I'm confused, sad and stressed out. Medical bills are starting to stack up at a phenomenal rate, and being as desperately depressed with my work situation is just making things worse. I feel that I need to change my job, to save my life. And I'm being told this by family and friends every day. I'm just scared to not have insurance, because I'll be under care for this for an unknown period of my life. It could go into remission or it could advance.

I want to work with a personal trainer who works with people with chronic disease, but that's really expensive, but I know that losing weight would make my life a WHOLE lot better.

But more than anything, I just want to feel the sensation of energy again, the rush of joy with accomplishing something big, I want to feel creative and work on my art more, I want to just not be so scared and alone.

I'm really sorry to dump this out, considering this blog has generally been a pretty lighthearted affair, but I really needed to get this off my chest for my own piece of mind, since I've barely spoken to anyone about this, and not many people know what I'm really going through. Just know, I love my friends, and I love being around you. I want nothing more in the world than to be with the people who lift me up, and make me feel good, laughing and taking my mind off of things.

I love you, whoever manages to read this whole mess.

Peace,
Mindy

Some people might not know this about me but I take in pure breeds and give them a weave and then tattoo eyebrows on them...

Yeah, learn their names cause you wanna.

I am so going to pimp out a couple of things here.

Firstly. Simplify Media is an amazing company. They make it possible to share your itunes library with any of your friends you'd like to. I had some technical issues with my version when it first started and it was addressed by non-other than the co-founder Paul. He helped me through it, and I got a peek at his collection, which, while in my uber-music elitest ways was a little lacking deserved some props. Down load this bidness right now! Come find me, savascha, and listen to my music!

And secondly, I know I haven't been around to post much, things have been a little hectic in my life lately. One of the reasons has to do with my other blog I'm working on. Welcome to The Vadge Blog. The brainchild of my dear friend Oval Office and I. We have a very talented crew of sass-assy ladies working with us, and are going to take the leap to a full fledge website soon, with links, and things to buy and everything. It's vadgetastic!

Alright, I promise a real update soon, but in keeping with tradition, here's a lovely video. It's business time, ladies and gents...

What if company meetings were like a blog comment free-for-all?

You know who I miss? I miss the guy who lives in the apartment behind mine who likes to wear nothing but a bra and panties and eat giant bowls of cereal. Oh partially naked guy, I won't be able to see you again until the leaves fall from the trees... and no longer obscure my view... I hope you still live there by then.

Oh Daniel!

Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter Fame hits Avengers' Dame Diana Rigg in the face with a condom!

I wouldn't have believed it until I saw it myself. Oh Mrs. Peel, you poor poor woman.




Thanks for the tip Niki!